Me and Many Are Meant To Be
by Derpasaurus
Summary: Various one-shots with the male cast of Gintama. Reader x Various. T jus in case :P
1. Gintoki Sakata

You sat properly between two of your regular customers, smooth-skinned hands resting, one on top of the other, and your thin, pink lips in a seemingly-perpetual smile, a gentle one, welcoming, you hoped, "Would you like another drink?" You had asked kindly, enhanced eyelashes fluttering alluringly.

It was obvious that the middle-aged man, who was slightly tipsy already, wearing his traditional-style male kimono of pine-brown and stained white in a flimsy manner, was not finished his saké yet, but it was of no concern to you if he drank until he passed out - You're a hostess, not a nurse. He quickly gulped down the clear, alcohol-heavy beverage and gave a goofy smile that you almost found amusing. Almost.

"Yes, then, Yomaru-san?" your smile didn't waver one bit, and you were rewarded with a not-so-sharp nod and a slight 'hick' sound escaping his throat. You turned towards the other, quieter customer and gently lay your fair hand on his shoulder, "What about you, Funokira-san?" You inquired with as much professionalism as one with your career path could muster.

"I don't plan to drink, but could you get me some of those pretzels from the bar if you're going up?" He wondered - You somewhat enjoyed the company of Ginta Funokira, not because he was particularly interesting, in fact, as far as you could tell, his personality was virtually 2-Dimensional - It was probably because he wasn't rowdy, a drunkard or completely annoying like the other customers - You'd find the best word to describe a man like him as.. Docile.

While you stood up and bowed slowly, creasing the waist of your flowing, regal red and gold kimono, you thought of the man in your life who was very much unlike the docile Furokira-san.

Gintoki Sakata.

He was, in many ways, a living, breathing paradox which you found impossible to solve - He had depth beyond his years but at the same time, he was as flat as a pancake. He was childish as hell, still reading JUMP at his age and having the worst sweet tooth you'd seen in an adult, perhaps in anyone, but he was, indeed, a man amongst men. Indifferent on the surface, but a frenzy of complex emotions and ideals meshing below the surface.

He was, in essence, a true mystery. And, you supposed, you were the Sherlock Holmes of this mystery - the lover of the hunt, the discovery of evidence and all that could base facts, but then..

You didn't want this case to be solved, because like any good detective, you were madly, deeply in love with this case, and if you unravel all of its hidden glory, then.. What will you have to love?

Lost in your thoughts, you almost lost your balance, letting out a slight squeak when your slender arm bumped into one, broad shoulder. You winced when you felt a large hand encircle your upper arm and pull you back up, the grip feeling almost desperate.

"Baaaka~ Don't you know how to watch where you're going?" That light-hearted tone and deep, mellow voice was so familiar to you that you involuntarily, for the first time in that dragged-out night, genuinely smiled.

You opened your (E/C) eyes, which you honestly hadn't realized you had closed in bracing, and laid eyes upon the handsome samurai of the Yorozuya, "Gin-san," you murmur lightly, looking up at him with an almost-absent look.

"Oi, don't you know if you look at a man like that they'll lose control, you idiot?" He growled mockingly, shaking you slightly, seeming unwilling to let go.

You shook yourself from your daze and gave your goofy smile, "Gomene, Gin-san," you bow your head slightly, though grinned when you heard his soft chuckle, "Why are you here, though? I didn't know you were a customer," you pointed out curiously, tilting your head to the side in confusion.

"Ah, that is.." He began as you watched him expectantly, he scratched the back of silver mane and looked away with his lazy, half-lidded eyes of darkened red, seeming..embarrassed, ".. I came to get you, since your shift is over soon," he finally admitted and you let out a flattered giggle.

It was only then that you realized that time was getting on and you smiled happily, "I'll just take these last two things to my regulars and we can go," you say, excited. Gin-san gives a subtle 'whatever' and marches off to a cushioned couch in the corner.

You bundled the pretzels up into a ceramic bowl and gingerly held the transparent refreshment in the other, the cylindrical cup fitting perfectly between your thin fingers, "Here we are, you two," you said playfully, suddenly in a much better mood. You placed the respective items down infront of her loyal patrons and smiled sweetly, bowing slightly in apology, "Please, forgive the wait," you said, feigning penitence to seem polite.

"It's fine," came Funokira-san's simple, yet sensible, answer and a light slurr of, "Das okay~ You're too cute to be mad at, (Y/N)-chaaaan~" came from the absolutely wasted Yomaru-san.

You stood up and went to change out of your traditional 'cosplay' as you liked to call it. You came back out draped in your usual, knee-length kimono of a baby-blue hue, dusky midnight blue painting the tightly wound obi sash and a pure-as-snow white display of floral patterns on the lower half, "Let's go, Gin-san~" you chimed cutely, lacing your much-smaller fingers between his own, calloused ones.

He seemed to be wearing a slightly pissed off expression, in turn, you asked him what was wrong and you were promptly given the answer of: "That old guy with the glasses back there was ogling your boobs the entire time," he spat harshly.

"Ehhhhh?!" you chimed loudly in embarrassed surprise. You cautiously looked down at your (small/medium/large) breasts and pouted, looking as betrayed as you could.

Docile Ginta-san.. Whyyyy?!

Gintoki's crimson eyes followed yours and a smirk tugged at the corner of his sarcastic mouth, "I know - Those are only for Gin-san, afterall,"

"GIN-SAN!"


	2. Toshirou Hijikata

You first spotted him, clad in that dashing and always in-order uniform of blue-grey and gold trim, sitting on a small hill, deep scowl on his unexpectedly handsome - though slightly menacing - face, which you would later find out to be a chronic, almost natural, occurrence.

A white and peach tinged cigarette was perched on the corner of his slightly ajar mouth and a peculiar item held in his hand: a single, 500ml bottle of mayonnaise.

He wasn't usually the type of man whom you fancied - those up-tight, forever angry types who wouldn't know what a smile was if it punched him in the face - but this one, this obvious officer of the Shingensumi, was different. His piercing, though shaded, blue eyes seemed to draw you in and you thought that maybe, perhaps, you could bring a small smile to him, even if it was just one.

So, against your better judgement, you had quietly approached him, your petite figure swaying with the calm wind and you had appeared infront of him, strategically, as you thought you might be attacked by a guy with a face like that if you surprised him.

You didn't quite know what he was thinking when he saw you - his calm, bored look was replaced with a silent, wide-eyed stare. You slightly blushed when you saw him inspect you from head to toe, or so you thought.

An angel in white; what you'd find out his first impression of you was. The sunset probably helped your climactic entrance into his view, and life, with its coalescing colors of warm and cool setting over the horizon.

You gingerly folded the ends of your mid-thigh length casual gown with fluorescent feathers decorating the skirt's trim as you sat down, "Konbanwa," you greeted with an awkward smile while his nerve-wrecking attention was held on you.

"Che," he said grouchily, resting backwards on his outspread hands, "What d'you want?" he asked rather menacingly.

"You looked a bit sad, I guess," you returned honestly, "Thought you might want some company," your own two hands intertwined infront of you and you fidgeted nervously as you spoke quietly.

He seemed to watch you for a bit before looking away, scoffing, though not as mad as you had heard before, "People are just damn trouble, especially that Yorozuya freak! Calling me mayora, that lazy bastard," he continued to ramble for some time but the rest was incoherent and exceedingly grumpy.

"Yorozuya? Do you mean Gin-chan?" You wondered, looking at him curiously.

"Pfft, so you know that silver-haired baka," he growled out, deepening his scowl, if ever that was possible.

"Ne - Gin-chan is a really strong samurai!"

"Ha! Did you just come over here to talk about that freeloader?"

"How would I if I had no idea who you were or who you knew.. Silly,"

"What did you say?"

"Sil-ly~" you giggled lightly, smiling at his attempt to intimidate you.

"Che.. How do you even know that idiot?"

"'Gura-chan introduced us - I met her in a park around Kabuki District - she's apparently the Queen there, y'know?"

"You're talking about that crazy china girl brat, right?"

"I guess, if the way she dresses is the reason for that name, then yes,"

All of a sudden, you notice a distinct falling sound - you know, those ones that you'd hear when something drops in a cartoon - and a large, red-tipped projectile seemed to be coming straight towards you two.

"Uh-" was all you could utter before a masculine arm wrapped securely around your waist and you felt yourself tumbling down the small hill against a solid form, (E/C) eyes shut tightly.

"Hey, Sougo! Where do you think you're aiming that thing?!" You heard an outraged yell sound behind you, too close to your ear for your liking, and you curiously peeked through one of your colored orbs.

You immediately shot up onto your feet when you realized that you were being held close to the man, who was practically a stranger.. And you were almost hit by a deadly missile fired from a teenage boy's bazooka. Okay.

"Ohh~ Is that you, Hijikata? I thought you were some pervert trying to hurt that lady!" he called, feigning surprise, though even a slightly naïve woman like you could tell it was no accident.

"What do you mean, pervert?! I'll kill you, bastard!" The Shinsengumi addressed as Hijikata yelled menacingly. You were slightly confused but at the same time, very amused.

You watched with a small smile on your pretty features as Toshirou charged at Sougo with innumerable insults and curses that you dare not repeat. Everytime, Okita dodged easily with his emotionless face.

"Hijikata-saan, you're a little slow~"

"Shut up, you damned brat!"

"Ahhhahaa,"

"Shut up! Stay still - I'll kill you!"

"I can't do that, Hijikata-san,"

"Drop dead, you little punk,"

"Fall in a hole and rot, Hijikata,"

"Roll off of a cliff, Sougo,"

"Get hit by a car, Hijikata,"

"Burn in hell, bastard,"

"Kill yourself, Mayora,"

You saw the anger ignite in his death glare and noticed his hand quickly grip the reddish hilt of his katana, unsheathing it swiftly and pointing it at the young man, "I'll help you commit sepukku, you brat!" he yelled with violent conviction.

You thought that maybe it was getting a little out-of-hand - it was the first of many times that you've seen the outburst - and you decided to step in, "You're being so rude, Hijikata-san," you pouted rather convincingly at his confused look, "You promised you'd get ice cream with me, ne?" you reminded him of your not-so-real plans, nervously wrapping your slender arms around his toned one.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked rather bluntly, if you might say so yourself. He, surprisingly, didn't try to pry your hands off of his forearm.

"Stop trying to act cool!" you falsely demanded, pulling lightly on your interlocked arms, "You promiiiiised~! Come on," you begged mockingly.

Okita looked on with his usual deadpan expression, lightless burgundy eyes staring blankly, "A girl.. Who wants to spend time with Hijikata?" he slowly articulated.

"Hai, hai," you said quickly, tugging on Toshirou's arm, "Let's go!" You were running out of will power to perform this act.

"Look, I don't know what you're ta-"

He stopped mid-sentence as he listened to a few not-so-quiet comments from random Shinsengumi officers:

".. How could a girl actually like the Demon Vice-Captain?"

"Shhh! He'll hear you!"

"But.. A cute lady like that actually likes him?"

"I know, it's weird,"

"I think he's looking at us,"

"Oh, god - He is!"

Hijikata's jaw tightened and his steely-blue eyes focused on his gossiping subordinates, "To the next one of you who speaks, I will personally assist you to commit seppuku!" he yelled at them and they immediately went rigid, inching away slowly, cautiously.

You stood for a bit, wondering why it was so unthinkable that a female would want to be near their Vice-Captain. You vaguely heard the, "Fine, let's go," before you were unceremoniously 'whisked away'.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere," he grumbled lowly.

"Oh, by the way, my name's (Y/N)," you added quickly, thinking it'd be necessary.

"Hijikata Toshirou," he said simply, bluntly, even.

You discreetly side-glanced at his handsome features, "You know, you're kind of cute, even though you scowl so much," you told him truthfully, almost absentmindedly.

"Che,"

A barely-there smile appeared on that dashing face of his and upon discovery, you found a similar one on yours..


	3. Sougo Okita

You sighed heavily as you picked up yet another bazooka shell casing that littered your living room floor, "That Sougo.." you grumbled indignantly, throwing the empty shell outside and quickly shutting the door.

The reason you're picking up after the Shinsengumi officer is not only because he's a messy brat, but also because you married that sadist - It wasn't really your decision, actually, but it took only about 6 months for you to feel something more than mere tolerance for him.

It was quite a taxing exchange between you two for the time afterwards, you'd ask about his day and he'd complain about Toshirou - the 'Demon Vice-Captain', though you didn't think he was so bad - your husband was constantly at his throat, literally.

You'd serve breakfast and dinner, even though you weren't the best cook in the world - He was nice enough to humor you whenever he ate it and after a while, he demanded that you make him lunch from that day on.

He confessed to you after a year of marriage and that probably sounded strange to your friends when you told them - Oh, did I mention that most people think that you married out of mutual affection and not because your father is a douche? Well, there you go.

Sougo is also the jealous type - Sometimes, you'd go as far as to say yandere, though absolutely not as bad as Yuno Gasai*, she really scared you, actually - which is why Okita loved to make you watch Future Diary with him even though you've seen the entire series time and again.

"I'm home," he always calls out, even though you think it's sort of unnecessary for him to do so - You can hear the door and you're not the type to go running up to him dressed up in cosplay*.

"Welcome home," you say absentmindedly as you hear his uniform boots clatter against the kitchen's polished floorboards, "How was your day?"

His tone was as always completely devoid of emotion and you smiled to yourself, because if there was emotion, you'd be in trouble, "It was okay, but-"

"Wait, wait - Let me guess; Mayora-kun didn't die again,"

He took his usual place on his favorite armchair and reclined himself back into the cushioned comfort, turning on the TV - You immediately hear Ketsuno Ana talking about something or another, "Yeah," he sounded almost sad and even though, the sadist was talking about someone's life still being intact in a negative way, you found it cute.

"You're such a sadist," you commented off-handedly, picking up numerous shells from the ground - Toshirou visited sometimes and you couldn't even count how many times you had to call someone to repair your home after his visits - Sougo was always either shooting him with a gun or bazooka - Bullets and giant missile shells do awful things to paint!

"So I've heard," he sounded disinterested, but usually he doesn't like to watch TV, and had no real interest in the news or what happens in the daily lives of the Edo townspeople after his shift was done - which was a really bad attitude for a civil officer to have! - "Danna will take care of it," he'd always say without the slightest qualm.

"Oh, _sweetie_," you said somewhat ironically, walking up to him, lugging a bazooka shell casing along with you.

"Yes, _dearest_?" his rehearsed and constant reply.

You held it up infront of him, "Why the hell did I find another one of these things in our living room, huh?" you were deathly calm and he gulped - Happy wife, happy life, isn't that how the saying goes? Poor Okita.

"You should blame Hijikata-san for that - He keeps dodging and that's why it gets lodged in the walls and on the floor,"

"You baka!" you roared, throwing the shell away in a rage, breaking the window in the process of 'disposing' of the nuisance.

"You're so cute when you're mad~" This was his way of getting you out of bad moods all the time, but wouldn't that kind of compliment want you to be mad more? Either way, it made you blush, silly you.

You crossed your arms defiantly - He was such a manipulative sadist! You supposed you were a slightly less submissive masochist in that regard, "..Th-that won't work this time," you pouted indignantly, as if you couldn't believe in your own words.

He grabbed onto your hand and tugged harshly on it, ruining your balance and causing you to fall onto his lap flimsily, "It won't? Look, you can't keep yourself off of me," there was a mocking grin looming over you, paired with red-brown eyes filled with mirth.

"Argh, I hate you!" you didn't really want to hurt him, even though you doubted you could, so your clenched fists padded rather lightly on his chest.

His deadpan face appeared again and you thought for a moment that you'd annoyed him and he was mad at you, "After I went through all the trouble of getting you this," he swung a caramel-filled chocolate bar alluringly infront of you.

So, yes - This is how it always goes. You get mad and he bribes you with something sweet - It's the circle of life. You have a big sweet tooth, in all honesty, contesting Gin-chan's, actually. How could you resist free candy?

You reached for it but he held it out of your reach. As always, he shook his head and you looked quizzically at him, pouting prominently. He lifted his free hand to his face and lightly tapped his bottom lip with a slender index finger, causing you to sigh, "Nothing's free," he reminded you cynically.

You closed your eyes and puckered your thin, pink lips, closing in on his own mouth, when instead your prepared lips were met with the palm of Okita's hand, you mumbled something akin to 'What the hell?' against the constricting hand.

When he finally allowed his hand to retreat, you saw that he was wearing his sleeping eye-mask thing, which he probably thought no one could see through, "Huh? Are you trying to take advantage of your defenseless husband while he's sleeping?" he asked, feigning hurt.

"Ugh! SOUGO, I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" you yelled in reply, pounding your fists against him harder this time, recieving a maniacal laugh in return - That jerk!

* * *

_*Yuno Gasai is the deuteragonist of the Survival-Thriller anime, Future Diary (Deuteragonist just means secondary protagonist, if you didn't know) c: My god, is she freaky.. Dat yandere face, just wow.. Nightmares incoming after seeing that ;-;_  
_*The 'welcoming your husband in cosplay' part is a reference from the Teacher-Student marriage manga, Faster than a Kiss. (The rule is; No cosplay, no dinner.) :P_


	4. Shinsuke Takasugi

_As requested, the fourth one-shot will be reader x Takasugi Shinsuke :) I do hope you enjoy ^^ Off we go~ _

_P.S: This one's shorter than the others, because Takasugi isn't quite one of those characters that you're like, yeah - He's obviously in-love - Like, how does a suicidal-homicidal maniac show his affection? Tsktsk - Quite the dilemma.. Oh, well~ Read on!_

* * *

You sighed for the umpteenth time that hour, watching Matako, apparent gunslinger, with bored, half-lidded, (E/C) eyes, "You're so annoying," you grumbled in agitation once again.

"Shut up!" she snapped at you immediately, holding her 12-round revolver towards you with an angry scowl.

".. You're a really sore loser," You said calmly, pushing the intimidating barrel away with two, tightly-wound fingers nonchalantly, "Maybe you should try out Takechi-senpai," you suggested teasingly, poking out your tongue childishly.

"She's not my type," He said immediately, strange, shifting eyes looking around conspicuously.

"Ouch," you uttered in mock sympathy, laughing light-heartedly.

"Gross! Hentai-san? No way!" she defended in a frenzy, fueling your amusement furthermore, "He's a lolicon, anyway," she grumbled off-handedly.

"Are you saying you'd be into that if he liked older women?" you jerked a thumb over your shoulder towards the balding strategist.

"N-no - What? Shut up!" she growled back, platinum-blonde hair flipping with her sudden disgusted movement.

"I'm not a lolicon.." he began, dark eyes slightly slitting - Watching with conviction, "I'm a feminist," he said, but you happened to have echoed him and he glared.

Why was Matako so mad, you ask? Well, aside from having a pole perpetually shoved up her ass, she had recently found out that _Shinsuke-sama_ favored you a little more than the other members of the Kiheitai - Alot more, to be perfectly honest.

"Keep your hands off Shinsuke-sama!"

You sprawled your hands out on the bench behind you and relaxed your posture, leaning backwards casually, "Why should I? Who said you owned him?" you retorted, unfazed by her obvious animosity towards you - You didn't much like her, anyway - Who would, when she waves that gun around like it's going out of fashion? Tsk.

"The barrel of my gun," she snarled at you and the cold, stiff steel attached itself to the skin of your exposed forehead, (H/C) locks of your fringe seeming to shy away from the menacing weapon, "Die," she commanded fiercely.

"I don't really-"

"What do you think you're doing?" came the deep, ever-venomous voice belonging to the man whom.. you, regrettably, loved. He was so fast in his actions - Moving close to light's own pace, discarding of the gun and wrapping spindly fingers around the blonde gunslinger's slender, out-stretched neck, the tips of her dainty, sandal-clad feet ever-so-lightly stroking the wooden deck of the ship.

Even you, the calm, dexterous and cunning (Y/N), speed unmatched by most, was caught off guard by this sudden display. You watched with wide, (E/C) eyes as his grip tightened around Kijima's throat, asphyxiating her slowly.

"Sh-Shin-Shinsuke-sama," she choked out, meekly trying to pry at his much-larger hands with her own, thin-fingered ones, desperate to gasp for air, "N-nande..?" she made out miraculously, squinted, rapidly-hazing, dark eyes welling up with tears.

"Weakness is something that a monster does not show, those who do are beyond help - You dare to make such claims," he said to her apathetically, insane, spiraling eyes watching her without remorse.

You didn't like Makato Kujima, not one bit, not a semblance of like remained in your mind when it came to her, but you still didn't want her to die like this.. She'd probably haunt you and you were terrified of ghosts, "Shinsuke-kun," you daringly called the menacing leader, obviously accustomed to being informal with him, "Please, put her down - She wouldn't have really killed me," you wrapped your slim arms around the one holding up Makato and felt him slowly relax in your hold.

The recently-released blonde fell into a heap on the wooden floorboards of the deck, coughing and choking on her own, built-up saliva, greedily sucking in air, one breath after another, "I-I.. don't understand," she said, looking up at us, terrified.

"You're lucky that I'm so nice, Ki-ji-ma-san~" you teased, despite the situation, you didn't really care - you stopped her from getting killed, all was good in the world. You tip-toed to be almost equal height to your intimidating lover and gave him a soft peck on the cheek, making a 'chu~' sound.

"Let's go to bed,"

"Whaa? But.. it's lunchtime!"

"We're going to bed."

"Oh.. Okay~"


	5. Kondo Isao

_"Otae-san is the only girl that'll like a hairy gorilla butt like me," You had been listening to Kondo ramble on about his romantic misfortune with the violent and often smiling Shimura Tae - a local hostess who is obsessed with saving her Father's dojo._

_You tilted your head to the side, slightly and gave a small giggle, "Isao-san, if a woman really loved you, it wouldn't matter how hairy or.. gorrillary your butt is - I know that kind of stuff doesn't matter to me," you assured kindly._

_You really didn't know why but you kind of liked him - Maybe, it was because you're just into that kind of stuff or maybe you like guys whose hair defies gravity, either way, you didn't know what to do.._

_He watched you with discreet emotion flickering within his thin eyes, before grabbing your hand swiftly, "(Y/N)-san - Please, marry me!" You looked in shock for a bit before returning your (E/C) eyes to their original, neutral state._

_"No," you said, smiling warmly still, ".. Marriage is a bit much at first, why don't we just.. date?" you suggested awkwardly, fidgeting with the tie on your obi sash nervously._

_You then watched as the first display of someone actually crying a river of tears, in happiness, you soon found out - They were coming from a grown man, no less and the Shinsengumi's Commanding Officer - You really worried about the safety of Edo.._

* * *

Since then, you've come to like Kondo alot more - You hated to say it, but his butt was extremely hairy, but you know, 'love conquers all' and such. But there was one tendency that he never stopped..

"Otae-saaan~ Otae-saan~" Your eyebrow twitched in agitation as you listened to him harp on, probably from underneath her kotatsu, too.

Yes, Kondo Isao, Commander of the Shinsengumi, just couldn't stop stalking Shimura Tae, no matter how much either Otae or yourself, for that matter, tried to punch, strangle, claw, slap, kick, run-over and/or bull-doze it out of him.

You didn't to admit it but you were incredibly jealous - The Shinsengumi officers call **you** Nee-san, **you** tolerate his hairy ass, **you **don't stomp him into the ground every time you see him, **YOU** actually like that fool.

You grimaced as you witnessed Otae's unwavering smile becoming slightly vicious as she brutally slammed your stalker-Commander boyfriend into the concrete blocks and circling his head with her sturdy, sandal-clad feet, causing rubble to be dug up with his teeth - Ouch!

"Otae-san, whyyy?!" he asked, a few teeth missing - You didn't really like that look on him, you'll just go to a Shrine and pray that they grow back soon.

".. Hey, don't you already have a girlfriend?" It was that nerdy kid, Shinichi, right? You always forgot. He adjusted his glasses in that same way he always did - You didn't really get the kid, he was an idol otaku, but you didn't see the merit in any of Otsuu-chan's songs.

Your Mother is a chome-chome? Like you needed to hear that from a teen-pop sensation, when your Mother found out you were dating the Commander of Government Officials, she sounded so happy and when she saw him, she even asked why you had a decoy or if you were lying, he was in his uniform, too!

And what's this about your brother being a Hikokomori? You don't even have a brother, damnit! It makes absolutely no relevant sense, so what the hell? And her random usage of words is just-

Wait, wait, off-topic, off-topic.

You stomped your way there with a look on your face matching the mighty Maou-sama's most evil of glares and hooked your fingers around the back of his collar, grinding his hairy gorilla ass against the pavement, ".. I'm sorry, he's. So. Stupid." You said, giving a polite smile, conveniently going over a few bumps here and there.

".. Eto.. I wasn't.. stalking her or anything - Just an old friend,"

"Yeah, right - You stupid gorilla! I'll kill you,"

"Please, don't - I have so much to live for~"

"Shut up, gorilla-san! You're dead,"

"Whaat?"

"Toshi can be the new Commander, got it?"

"Nooo! Toshi, help me!"

The Mayora in question was leaning on the edge of the dojo's fence, under the pretense of keeping an eye on the 'riff-raff' but rather just wanting to get out of work - He let himself a cigarette with his strangely-shaped, mayonnaise-themed lighter and took a few puffs non-chalantly, "Uh? Sorry - I can't hear you!" he called back gruffly, scowling at everything once again.

"Goodbye, Cruel Wooorld~!" You heard Kondo shout as you all but threw him into your house - You were going to kill him, indeed.. Okay, probably not, but shh!


	6. Kamui

_As requested, a Kamui chapter (I would've gotten around to it but since someone asked about it then here it is - Aren't I the nicest?) Anyhow, because of Kamui's personal philosophy of not being attached to people because it's a weakness, I'm not entirely sure how to go about this. As always, I hope you like it ^^~_

* * *

"Kamui-kun.." You slowly articulated, watching him with thin, (E/C) eyes as he moved towards you, waving in greeting with a outstretched hand.

"Yes?" He seemed to take in your image with that same closed-eyes smile that made you think of a fox, slinking towards you while his Chinese martial arts robe bellowed soundly behind him.

"Who the hell did you kill this time?!" You asked loudly, pointing accusingly at his blood-drenched hand.

"Oh, you noticed?" Such an innocent question in any other context, such an unnaturally-casual tone to approach such a subject.

"How can I not notice?" You asked, your neatly-shaped eyebrows quirking up in agitation, backing yourself up against the nearest wall.

"Oops - Caught," he opened his cerulean eyes slightly and you thought you caught a glimpse of mirth dancing within that gaze.

"Stop coming closer," you whined out, pushing your back up against the wall until you couldn't move back anymore.

"Why do you get like that everytime I come home? You're really mean," he said in mock hurt, continuing his venture forward.

"It's because you come home with blood on your hands every single time!" you tell him in a slightly-panicked, matter-of-factly tone.

You weren't so much scared, as you were trying to avoid getting some stranger's blood on your face - Everytime, he came near you, he had an inclination to hold your face and smear blood all over it - You hadn't escaped this course of action once and you doubted you would this time.

Yes, this red-headed psychopath of the Yato Clan was, humbly-put, your significant other. He was blood-thirsty, cruel and sadistic, thirsty for battle but was it only you who found his dangerous aura exciting? It seems so, since most people fear him.

He'd never hurt you before, the first time you met, he claimed that he didn't like to slaughter women and children because they could give birth to strong children or, in the children's case, grow to be strong themselves - You thought that he wasn't that much of a scumbag if he thought about that kind of stuff.

You were cornered and there was no way to get away from the dexterous Yato, ".. Don't you dare.." you muttered lowly, trying hard not to shy away from his piercing, ocean-blue stare.

Despite your often-futile warnings, his blood-soaked fingers came up to caress the smooth skin of your cheek, leaving a crimson trail over your blushing face, "Why? I think it looks great on you," his fox-like smile returned, blue eyes once again concealed under secretive eye-lids and sharp corners of his mouth turning up in a casual smile.

".. How can you say that so casually?" you asked confusedly, looking at him directly, dumbfounded at his odd behavior.

"Because it's the truth," his bloody palm rested firmly on your tightened jaw-line, a stranger's blood cradling your fair features gently, "Relax - I'm not going to hurt you," he assured you calmly, watching your usually-unnoticeable reactions with keen perception.

"I know.. I just don't like having blood on my face," You let out a slightly-distorted laugh, "It's really hard to get out, you know?" you joked with a small smile.

"But why does it have to come off?" He tilted his head to the side in curiosity, waiting for your reply, before sighing and speaking again, "Seeing you like this reminds me of when we first met - You remember, too, right?" he said absentmindedly.

"Of course," you uttered off-handedly, resting a delicate hand on top of his own, watching his smile soften, "It was.. my blood back then though, the blood that was on my face," you reminded him solemnly.

He opened his eyes slowly and you saw that spark of angry recollection ignite momentarily, "You looked very beautiful back then, covered in crimson like that, but I much prefer looking at you wearing someone else's blood," he admitted, his expression calming, the callous of his hands seeming feather-light against your fragile skin.

"I see.." You uttered simply, no ill-will leaving your underlying tone, tenderness, perhaps, "I have to go clean this off, though," you reminded Kamui reluctantly, trying to slither out of his body's prison.

In return, his strong, slender arm burst through into your only escape route, imprisoning you further and leaving a small dent in the wall, "No need," he said almost cheerfully. In the next instant, you felt something warm and wet run across the streaks of crimson painting your smooth skin.

The way his tongue danced across your fair skin sent shivers down your spine and you closed your (E/C) eyes slowly, enjoying the contact, "What would you do if someone used my blood like this?" you asked quietly, grasping his attention.

You felt his arm snake around your waist and his hold on your face tighten, almost making you cringe. A trail of saliva was left behind as his ever-smiling lips found your ear, "I'd kill them," you heard him whisper, feeling the ghost of his warm breath trace the lobe.

Your (E/C) orbs widened and before you could speak again, his lips had claimed yours; his kiss was, as always, bittersweet - He, himself, was a sweet, gentle taste but the underlying aftertaste of blood, that semblance of liquid iron, dancing across your pallet was sour, undesirable. He constantly sought domination during your lips' embraces and you wisely allowed him it, opening your mouth when it was requested and reveling in the feeling of his tongue tracing your own.

* * *

_Oh, wow - Was that a trip to Morbid Town xD Sorry, guys - I was basing this off of his actions during the Yoshiwara arc - In the sense, __that he stabbed people with his hands, they were completely covered, etc. (To which I thought that it would smear on anything he touches) and how he tasted the blood on his fingers during the early fights of the arc._


	7. Katsura Kotarou

_Here's Zura ("Zura ja nai, Katsura da,") - Since a review asked for Katsura and since I have him as one of the characters filter-wise (-dunce-) c: Personally, he's one of my favorite characters, so I'll try to do him justice as best I can :) E-N-J-O-Y~_

* * *

"Elizabeth, you've lost some weight, huh?" You looked dumbfounded after your umpteenth attempt to explain to your fumbling boyfriend that no, you were not that weird bird-thing that followed him around.

"Elizabeth ja nai, (Y/N) da," you mocked in agitation, clenching your fist and resisting the urge to send him hurdling over the edge of the wooden bridge.

"Oh.." He said lowly, examining you closely. You noticed small, transparent drops starting to form in the corner of his brown eyes and you slightly panicked.

You waved your hands in negation, "Uhh.. You don't have to be that sad, you just made a little mistake, it's fine-"

"Elizabeth!" his slender arms latched tightly around your petite frame and you looked puzzled, "You finally decided to speak without using those annoying signs - I'm so happy! Elizabeeeth~!" tears streamed down his face ceaselessly and a wide smile accompanied them.

"Argh! How can you be the leader of the Anti-Foreigner faction if you act like this? You dumbass," you scolded relentlessly, reeling back from his hold.

He didn't seem at all fazed by your blatant insult, or rather, not interested, ".. Look, Elizabeth - It's Gintoki," he pointed absently, not even paying attention to what you had to say.

"Do you even listen when people talk to you?" You sweat-dropped and followed after the absent-minded Joui leader reluctantly.

"Yo, (Y/N)," Gintoki waved his free hand, while the other was occupied in his nostril, digging for gold as always.

"(Y/N)-chan -aru!" Kagura chimed energetically, cerulean orbs lighting up.

"Ahh, (Y/N)-san, Katsura-san," Shinpachi greeted last of all, showing the appropriate respect as always - You secretly found him kind of boring. (Shh!)

"Hey gu-"

"Why are you greeting (Y/N)-dono? She's not here, yet you completely ignored Elizabeth," He seemed to be angered by their disregard of his beloved pet, but they seemed to be shocked at his blatant disregard of his girlfriend. It was also strange how he still added -dono to the end of your name after so long.

"Zura," Gintoki dead-panned at his former comrade, himself and Kagura looking from him to yourself, "That's (Y/N), Elizabeth isn't here," he attempted to explain, but you merely sighed - It wasn't going to work, obviously.

Katsura's head whipped around immediately, "Zura ja nai, Katsura da!" before gesturing over to you: "Elizabeth has gotten a little shorter and lost a bit of weight, but I'm pretty sure I know what (Y/N)-dono looks like," he laughed heartily, as if they were the idiots.

You found your palm unable to resist slamming itself against your face, "Help me," you uttered despondently to your three friends.

"Uhh.. Katsura-san, that's (Y/N)," the ever-straight man of the Yorozuya commented matter-of-factly, completing the statement with a pretentious adjustment of his thin-framed glasses.

"Ahahaha," the clueless man heaved out gleefully, "I didn't know you could be so funny, Shinpachi-dono!" he exclaimed, giving a firm, encouraging pat to the bespectacled teen's frail shoulder.

"Oi, Zura - He's not kidding," Gintoki grumbled apprehensively.

"Yeah," Kagura agreed readily, her dainty pinky finger digging into her left nostril steadily, "Baka Zura, you can't even tell the difference between your girlfriend and a weird bird creature -aru," she commented harshly.

"Zura ja nai, Katsura da!" Katsura insisted further, grabbing a tuft of your pink kimono, adorned with sakura blossoms, probably mistaking it for Elizabeth's wing (arm?), "Let's go, Elizabeth," he ordered before drudging off, you in tow.

You sighed heavily and grabbed his hand, gaining a questioning look immediately. You had a slight blush painting your cheeks, as you placed his outspread hand on your (small/medium/large) breast.

"Oh, (Y/N)-dono - When did you get here?"


End file.
